Just in case anyone cares, (I doubt you do, but whatever) I'll be away curling this weekend. Hopefully home on Saturday night. Then I can spend Sunday with my man.

Love to all. Especially anyone who actaully comments.




I love Alan.

This is where I am:: planning Sunday...
This is what I'm listening to:: none.

Hey guys, long time no post.

CHECK THIS OUT: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/nova-scotia/story/2006/10/23/cb-slogan.html :) Be proud of me.

Things are good. super busy - but good. Alan is awesome - and we have no school tomorrow or Monday. I'm DYCing it up this weekend, so hopefully we can hang out on Monday. And I'm going to his place on Tuesday. I'm worried DYC will suck... it sure diod last year - but we'll see. 

I'm in the news somewhere else, too! (pick the latest edition, and careful! It's a PDF): http://www.nspeidiocese.ca/times/times.htm --> check out the byline.

School sucks. I'm tired all the time. But I really can't complain.

Loves.

This is where I am:: dreamland
This is how I feel:: dorky
This is what I'm listening to:: Girl Next Door - Saving Jane

I really don't kn know why I haven't been updating lately. I've read everyone else's. 

So, Grade 11 is boring as fuck.

I am now finally 16!! And you all missed it! :P

Clay's new cd is a'ite. Jury remains out on that one. Also not listening to it much, etc.

It's Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. YAY. We celebrated yesterday - and had the best ever. Well, I don't rememeber Thanksgiving's in years past, but i know they didn't involve Alan Hunt and excessive making out. My family went to Halifax - but I bailed and went up to my man's. It was awesome - so different and QUIET compared to a normal family get-together. Normally it's 16 or so people - at Alan's there was 6. Turkey was good, grandparents were good - and I eve did the dishes - which I never do at home. Went for a hike in the woods - went and watched some of a movie. (It was Harry Potter 4, but I saw very little of what came between the 1st and 3rd task). Made out. I loe just being with him, laying with him and feeling his heart beat. Sure, I love making out with him, and teaseing him, or letting my hands explore a little bit. But when it comes right down to it - I love him plain and simple. I would do anything for him. We were talking a little bit about when we move out on our own - how we should move in together (one or both of us will be at school) and we should get a dog. I suggested we just take one of his current dogs, but he said no, that we need our own; his take up the whole bed, and I'm gonna be in it with him, so it just doesn't work.

I want yesterday back. RIGHT NOW. I love him. Alan, I love you. 





I'm SO in love with you.

This is where I am:: Back at Alan's - in the basement on the couch
This is how I feel:: relaxed
This is what I'm listening to:: Just to be the next to be with you - Mr. Big

Part of the reason I haven't said much about my adventure from, oh geez - a month ago now - is because it was so indescribable. I have never been so moved or inspired by people my own age. We all came from different corners of this HUGE country, to converge on this little campus in the city of London. No one knew what to expect, which is good, 'cause you would have been very, very wrong.

I will set my feet upon the road, I will follow wherever you lead.
I will set my feet upon the road, I will follow wherever you lead.
I know not where the road will end,
I know not what it up around the bend,
But, I will set my feet upon the road, I will follow whever you lead.

That was our un-official anthem for the week. No one was sure at first - what the ten days would hold for us, being halfway across the country or more from family and friends, complete strangers. But by keeping an open mind, and an open heart, God will move us and help us to get out of the expirence what He feels we need to.

There were 21 participants and 5 mentors. Not "counsellors" or "RA's" or "leaders," but mentors. They used that term, as you quickly discover, to keep them at our level. They are not to be looked upon as a superior, they are meant for us to talk to, argue with and learn from - the same as we learn from each other.

A typical day didn't seem like anything special. Breakfast at 8 each morning, a Theology strech at 8:30, Bible study from 9-10:30 with the Chaplin at Huron. A small break, and then our Exploratories from 11:00-12:15. Mine happened to be Creative Spirituality - how to creatively let God and faith speak to and through you. For example. we read a bible reading and meditated on it, and then made a rock mosaic about it. It was awesome to "feel" God in that way. After expoloratories was lunch, then Siesta from 1:00-2:30 - which is 1 1/2 hours of free time. Some days it was spent on the computer - others giving and recieving massages. Or walking through a soybean field... After siesta, some session - maybe on Theologial reflection, what "color" personality you are, Ethics in everyday life and religion, etc. Dinner at 6:15, followed by "small group time," a worship, and then whatever you want, till as late as you want.

Small group time was one of the most refershing times. We were split into groups of 5 or 6, and each group had a mentor. We talked about the day, what we learned, and anything was on our minds. We prayed as a group, had drum circles, solved problems and planned worships together. Our worshipd were different and radical and thought provoking every night. SOme were loud and crazy - others were quiet and sombre. All of them were energy packed - and planned by a different small group each evening. You grew quickly to trust everyone in your small group. And the large group as a whole.

That trust is what we built the community on. The first day we were distant, spoke quietly, and kept mostly to ourselves, an the people we flew up with. By the third or fourth day, we were a great big family. We were talking about masterbating and pre-marital sex and gay marriage and abortion. There were "groups" but not "cliques," you could float as you chose between friends and acitivites and tables at breakfast. I miss my Ask and Imagine family. The clearest example of family in my mind was High Ropes Day. The day we moved to Canteberry Hills (a retreat centre in Ancaster), we had a High Ropes course to do. It took most of the day. We belayed and spotted each other, which was crucial for the "community" feeling - it was literally a matter of life-or-death concerning belaying and spotting, so you had to put all your trust in that person and God. It was AMAZING. Everyone went up, and even those who were so scared they could hardly walk managed it. You could be working at a totally separate element, and look over and start cheering for someone swinging in the air, or inching along a catwalk. When people got really scared, we sang for them. The Pilgrim Hymn (seen above), or "Lean on, when you're not stong. I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on. Lean on me, 'cause we all need somebody to lean on." I was the last person to go up, which was huge for me. I'm not afraid of heights (althought it is a little bit un-nerving to dangle 50 feet in the air, standing on only a log....), but I don't like taking risks. Taking risks means sometimes being wrong, and those of you who know me know, I HATE to be wrong. So it was major for me to take that risk, and get up there and do it, 'cause a) 50 feet in the air is out of anyone's comfort zone.. the first time, and b ) I got up there and I wasn't wrong! I wasn't scared (much) and I COULD do it. It was pretty great. Another community moment was on the last night. We were all laying out in ther field at 2:30 in the morning (yeah, 4 hours of sleep the last night. Worst idea. EVER.), and 7 of us were laying there in a great big pile. I was holding Will's hand and laying on/spooning him, 'cause we both were freezing. It was okay to do that there, it wasn't innapropriate at ll in our bubble! It wasn't pimp-esque for Chris to have 2 girls laying on him and for me to badically stand there and nearly cuddle Will the last morning during Prayers of the People. I even made Frankie cry!

There were certainly moments when God was clearly evident. On Silent Retreat Day, I felt God in the cold on my face, saw Him in the rain outside, heard Him speaking in the silence, was embraced by Him while I was in the labrynth. If you are a person of faith, at least once in your life, walk a labrynth. I truly believe that in silence, there is truth.

But in laughter, there is also truth. In tears there is truth. In questions there is truth. In song there is truth. But above all, in love there is truth. In most actions, there is love; tears, laughter, questions and silence. And if I took anything away from the Ask and Imagine expirence, it is that God loves me. You always hear that when you're little, but it's like "Oh, okay, that's cool." But I KNOW it now, 'cause I've FELT it, and yeah, it's REALLY cool. God is more commited to me, and everyone else than we could possibly ever be to him. He gave up his Son - his CHILD, a part of him - so that we could live free of sin, and be with him. That's saying something about love, right there. One of the things that rememebr feeling God's hand it was at out final impromptu worship. We took candles and went to a bridge by a waterfall, and had a vidgil in the middle of the night. We just sang everything - everyone's heart and souls were in it. We were so emotional at the prosepect of leaving, it was a form of release - and God's hand was the one to calm us and say that it IS okay to be sad. But it's the way it has to be.

And so it was. I have seldom done things in my life harder than leaving those people. I bawled like a freaking baby when I walked out the door and into the taxi that took us to the airport, but it helped. And I missed them all dearly - they helped me discover things about myself I didn't even know existed - and for that, I am ever in their debt. As I am to my family and friends, and to Alan, the man I love most in this world (so much more than he understands), for all of their support. And to you for reading all of this looong post. And especailly to God, who's power working in us can do infanitly more than we can Ask or Imagine!"

God, grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

There is so much more about this expirence I could say - but ther it is, in a nutshell, more will come out over time, I think. Thanks again for reading.

Many blessings,
Cydney

This is where I am:: back at Canteberry
This is how I feel:: peaceful
This is what I'm listening to:: A Pilgrim's Hymn - Landon Whitsitt

I feel so emo.

Why doesn't he get it?

This is where I am:: uhhh...
This is how I feel:: bitchy/emo
This is what I'm listening to:: Wild World - Mr. Big

I'm home, for anyone that cares/doesn't know already.

I don't know how I feel about anything any more. Not sure when I'll post again. It might be right away, it may not be for a while. I just need to collect myself and my feelings.

Comments would make me happy. Spam away!

<3 Cydney

PS - 

Glory to God, whose power working in us can do infinitely more than we can Ask or Imagine!

This is where I am:: Home
This is how I feel:: contemplative
This is what I'm listening to:: Halleujah - Rufus Wainwright

So this is probably my last post for a couple of weeks. *nods* I leave for London Ontario tomorrow morning, bright and early. Well, around 11, but it's an hour to the airport and you have to be there an hour (or more) before and... yeah. Anyway. I'm excited, but nervous, sad to be going, but happy, 'cause it'll be a great expirence. I knew saying goodbye to a certain.. someone would be really hard. But I didn't know it would suck this much. Like, really. i cried when I had to go home yesterday. I cry a little bit thinking about it, still. I know it won't be so bad, I can call him and stuff, but right now, at this very moment, it seems a little bit overwhelming. He must think I'm such a nutcase.

I'll miss you guys, too, of course. But I think I'll have MSN, so all is not lost! And if I have MSN, I also have LJ. Which leaves room for a potential update. *raises eyebrows*.

Work sucks. A lady who worked in the Deli, and in the restraunt for a little while, was found shot dead in her home on Tuesday. I'd spoken to her at work on Monday night. That's some scary shit, IMHO. Emotions are very high right now. Kinda glad I'll be gone, while it blows over.

And Alan. Just in case you read this, since I know you've been snooping... Don't be freaked out. Please. I really, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life. You are so important to me... just thinking about you makes me happy. I want to tell you stuff like this sometimes, but I'm afraid to see your reaction - since you laugh when I tell you I love you. I don't know what that's supposed to mean... I'm afraid to freak you out or scare you away or something. I've never felt this way about anyone or anything, and it scares me, but I feed off of it, at the same time. I am in love with you. If you read this... please don't freak. 

That's all for now. Talk to everyone soooon. and there will be pic-uh-tures

This is where I am:: la-la land
This is how I feel:: both excited and sad
This is what I'm listening to:: I'll Be - Edwin McCain

Hey guys, long time no update. But I'm afraid it will likely reamain few and far between at least for the next week and a half. But first...

blue... Blue!.... BLUE!!!

WhiteCap was hardcore awesomeage. Intense hardcore awesomeage. It was, in fact, so figgn' amazing, I have to make up words for it! I met the bestest people, curled really well, surprisingly, stayed in a nice suite, with a great roomate, made some fantastic new friends, and learned one helluva lot. One friend in particular made me smile. A lot. Thank you Mr. Mike Adam for keeping me laughing, teaching me tons, being the biggest sweetheart in the world, making me cry (in a good way, duh) and being a great hugger. ;) You rock, Mike. 

Mark (Nichols! Double raise take-out!), and Jamie (Korab! Super-soak me, Jamie) were also intensely amaze-tacular. I talked to them all... in fact, they both yelled at me... jokingly of course... 

Mark - "Eyes on your own sheet!... I'm just kidding!" 
*Mark has a squirt gun* "Hey, Mark? Does that have water in it?" *squirts me* "Sweet, can you do it again?" "Not if you ask for it!"

Jamie - "So where are you from?" "Truro, Nova Scotia." 'Really? I've been there, I have family there. An aunt, couple cousins, grandmother... Never been in the club, 'cause I come in the summer. But I've been across the street - at the funeral home."
*trying to take a picture with the 4 of us, and the 3 olympians*
Me - *to camera* "For fuck's sake! Turn on!" "ooooh. Someone wants to preform at dinner." "No, not really." "Okay. just don't swear too much in front of the little kids. That was kinda funny actaully." (see, if you did something wrong, or lost something and it was turned in, you had to preform at a meal, in front of everybody)

I was suffering majoy Post WhiteCap Depression, but I'm feeling way better about it now. The last day, Mike gave me a couple great hugs and said some sweet, sweet things and after he let go and told me to look him up when i was in NFLD, I started crying. I really didn't mean to, but it just happened. You know? And then when we watched the farewell video, I cried some more. And that night when i was at home in my own bed, I started sobbing for no good reason at all. So Emma, you and me, we'll follow 'em all over Canada. The Brier, Ford Worlds, on Tour, you name it.


See. Good times had by all. And for those of you worried - there is absolutely no threat to Alan with anyone I met there.My baby is the most awesome, and I love him to friggn' death. And, I miss him. So. much. I've seen him like.. once in two and a half weeks and it's making me CRAZY. Though, I think he's coming over on Sunday, so w000000t. ilubaby.

Leaving for the US on Monday. Talk to yous when I get 30 seconds to myself.

This is how I feel:: drained
This is what I'm listening to:: Nowhere With You - Joel Plaskett

This will probably be my last update for a while. I'm leaving on Sunday for St. John New Brusnswick for 5 days. My WhiteCap (high-preformance curling camp) week runs the 16th-21st. I'm pretty excited, but I'm also nervous - it is July, and I don't know how well I play in the middle of the summer. And I probably won't see Alan agan before I go, and that makes me a little bit sad :( But, I guess that means I get to jump him extra when I get home :) (I'll *try* and keep the horny-ness to a minimum)

10 Random Facts About Me

1. I have no piercings.
2. I hate it when my sheets aren't tucked in really tight under the mattress on both sides.
3. I don't want to go to my cottage.
4. My skin crawls and i want to vomit whenever I hard the name of Alan's ex.
5. I am scared to death of clowns. 
6. I have a "treasure trail" that is embarassingly visible.
7. I prefer adults to kids my age.
8. I don't have anyone I consider a best friend.
9. I think my mother is to overbearing and doesn't understand me.
10. I worry about eveything, no matter how trivial.

Have a good week, guys.

This is where I am:: around...
This is how I feel:: horny
This is what I'm listening to:: Here for a Good Time (Not a Long Time) - Trooper

I love you baby. I have the best days when you're involved - you make me crazy with love for you. I can't help it - you're amazing. I don't know what i would do without you in my life to make me feel this way. I love you, babe, and always will. I hope you know how much you mean to me.

This is where I am:: My thoughts.
This is how I feel:: creative
This is what I'm listening to:: Shine Your Light - Robbie Robertson